Fast and Curious

I fasted from social media for 21 days – January 7-27. Why would anyone do that? Why would I do that? I like social. I particularly like Instagram, and I watch a few YouTube videos every day. Have a question? YouTube it. Look cute? Tell the world on insta. Nothing harmful about it, right?

Well yes… and no? 

Recently I have noticed that my screen time was up – I mean all the way up like Carl Fredrickson – as high as 14 hours per day. (How many hours am I even awake?) I have been feeling burdened, also, about what kind of example that sets for my kids. I was having some ill-effects, also, including moodiness, drowsiness, poor or blurry vision, poor memory, poor sleep, and mostly I was concerned that even when my kids were talking to me – or to the side of my face while I looked at my phone like a straight-up zombie (Mombie?) – and I wanted to climb out of the dark, insensate, waking coma that my days had become. I am ashamed to admit how much I was in my phone, but it was a lot. 

The 21 day challenge was issued by my church pastor: Please join us for 21 days of prayer and fasting to begin this new year. As soon as I heard about it, I knew I wanted to do it, and instead of fasting from food (not a good idea for me due to past issues with ED and because I work out pretty strenuously some days) I decided to fast from socials, and get my screen time down in general. This is the area of my life where I am the least disciplined, and I was actually scared that I would not be able to do it – which let me know that I really needed to try. My goals were simply to be more present, in my life and especially with my kids, to use the time I would be in my phone to make real connection and to create, to pray more, and I had one thing in particular I was bringing to God daily, and I wanted him to bless and keep me through it, so that was on my heart as I fasted each day, also. 

The following is a record of how it went.

Rules: During this time, I was not “allowed” to use Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, or Reddit apps and I tried my best not to use the phone mindlessly in general. That meant not picking up my phone immediately upon waking, no podcasts while driving/getting ready for work, no mindless scrolling of any kind, I had to use texting or calls (ick) to communicate. Other than that, I was free to use other apps as I needed to and I do use my phone for work so that was still fine. Mostly I used my phone related to bible, workouts, and cooking. I also used my “Notes” app anytime something popped to mind that I thought I might want to write down later (this post is later).

My observations:

• Thinking about the prayer and fasting as I walk out to my car today (1/10/24). I noticed that a worship song called “You are worthy” is in my head. It’s just me singing “you are worthy, you are worthy Oh Lord” over and over in a loop in my head, as I don’t know the rest. I contemplate that we humans are created for companionship with God, we were created to worship. So… is this like a factory reset? Is a social media detox like returning back to, or closer to, our purposed state?
• The other thought I had (still 1/10/24) is that I noticed yesterday and today that my screen time overall is down 62% from my “normal” usage. My first thought is, “good golly, I spend a lot of time on Instagram”. But I think it’s more than that: I think that being sober from the internet makes me want to see just how clearheaded I can get. I’m less likely to pick up my phone for texts or Amazon orders or to check emails because I don’t want to feel attached to it, and I feel less of a need to be attached to it.
• 1/11/24 Fewer selfies. I guess because I have no place to post them? No one to “prove” my workout to or share my deeply profound thoughts with. Except if I decide to do that in my actual real life… Went to my regular dance studio and started to take a boomerang, and I can’t, and who would want to see it anyway? Prevention of self-absorption. Less documenting of the banal.
• I have noticed today that I sometimes have more anxiety. Or maybe the same amount of anxiety, but I feel it more. Nothing to numb it or distract.
• Today 1/12/24 I got bored. Boredom’s gift is creativity. On a whim, and after enthusiastic agreement from them, I started reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone aloud to my kids. One night we all dressed up as characters from the book, using items from our own wardrobes, and guessed who we all were, and took turns reading. It was fun. It was connection. It was also private, un-photographed, and undocumented (except here).
• Bargaining, but not in the way you’d expect. Each time I go to pick up my phone, I ask myself, “do I really want to rack up screen time just for ______? A YouTube workout, for example, will cost me 30-45 minutes. And yes, YT is technically not allowed but on freezing dark mornings at home I do sometimes lift weights and follow along. 
• 1/12/24 Prayer doesn’t come easier. This one is a wee bit surprising to me. I thought with all the free time and some newfound discipline I would be spending a lot more time in prayer, or at least want to. Studying God’s word is still not my first instinct or reflex in the morning and it doesn’t feel great to admit that, but I’m working on it.
• Less gossip is a major side effect. 1/15/24. Some things happen or conversations are had, and I can’t skip over to the DMs and say “guess who I saw” or “you won’t believe this message I got”… not that I do that often but a LOT of people who are “in my life” are really only on this little hand-held TV. So I don’t know what’s going on with them organically. That’s weird. The gossip thing is good, too, but also it’s a challenge not to “chat” with any friends after years of doing it.
• 1/19/24 If God doesn’t fill your heart (and your time) something else will. Meaning that when you leave it open, you’re giving opportunity for lots of things/people/ideas/behaviors to be introduced or take hold. There are so many things vying for your attention and your (extremely limited) time on earth. What is the most important thing? You can tell by how you spend the most time, right? Who or what is sovereign for you? (This is me asking myself, not judging anyone else.)
• 1/19/24 Related to that last thought, and I think super important to note: Social media is certainly not the only way to waste time. On a screen or otherwise, it’s easy to find distraction, and removing social media does not automatically mean you are doing it right.
• 1/23/24 Social media is boring, I keep thinking. I am not missing it and I have not felt as tempted or as torn as I believed I would. I seriously was nervous to commit to this challenge, or to tell anyone I was doing it, because I thought I’d have major withdrawals and fail at it. Also, and this is a great one, I’m not as “influenced”. I have noticed this week that the only thing I have purchased from the internet, aside from some items for my kids, is books. 

Oh! And! (Probably the very hardest part for me) - During the fast, I was not allowed to listen to any ambient noise. I have read recently about what effect listening to, for example, rain sounds while sleeping has on the brain, and I wanted to try to stop doing that. Some scientists believe that listening while sleeping may not allow the auditory system to shut off/rest at night, and may interrupt the natural sleep process over time. The jury is out on this, but I do know that I have become dependent on my light rain (shout out to The Relaxed Guy on YT!). In the spirit of breaking addiction/dependency, I had to at least try to sleep without it. 

(I also used to fall asleep to Pride and Prejudice every night. It’s a comfort thing, when you struggle with anxiety or any kind of trauma, at least in my experience, you crave routine and dependable things, so this was that for me. But just like the rain sounds, the flashing lights and constant stimuli even if I was not totally conscious, were possibly having ill effects and again, I wanted to know that I can live without them.)

Y’all… my dread over this one was REAL. I have loud neighbors, with barking dogs, and I just did not think I could live without my rain sounds. BUT the one I love to listen to is a 3 hour loop and that would mean I start the day in a deficit of 3 hours, and I wouldn’t have an accurate idea of time spent on phone, so I had to cut it off. And I did. Strictly. I can proudly say, three weeks later, that I did learn to sleep without it, and had maybe 3 nights of poor sleep out of the 21, so that feels like a win. Two of them I had some panic, but I got through it, and it’s super valuable to know that I can calm myself and regulate without any other assistance.

I am happy to report that I made it. My screen time was way down and I learned that I can live without the soul-draining device I’m constantly told I need in order to live. The bad news is, this past week since the fast ended, I’ve dove (diven?) head-first into the deep end. I caught up on messages and returned to scrolling and listening to music. I have not re-incorporated sleep sounds, and I do not plan to. Moving forward, I hope to fast again and for longer periods of time, as I like how it made me feel. I’d encourage anyone reading to give it a try and see how you feel after a couple of weeks being “unplugged”.