1984

I am so disappointed with the hysteria. Sad for people losing jobs and sad that some people think policing others is the solution. I have avoided posting my opinions here because I don’t want to offend anyone.

Today I think it’s important to say that giving up liberty to achieve some semblance of safety spits in the face of those who chose death over giving up their (and your) freedoms. To demand your neighbor hand over their constitutional rights because you are ok doing that is lunacy.

When I was a little girl I was so proud to be American. Super patriotic. I felt so fortunate. Land of opportunity. Land of the free. Right now I feel … defeated.

And yeah I know this isn’t a high vibe or happy post but I’m human. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Self-Isolation Fun Facts

I am named after the Genet flower that originated in Italy and now blooms all over Europe.

Genet is bright yellow and smells like honey.  It’s sometimes used in perfumes.

My middle name Michelle is for Archangel Michael (Michel in French) and is translated to “Who is like God” in the original Hebrew.

I have the gift of claircognizance, clairsentience, clairempathy and on occasion, clairaudience.

I have freckles all over my body, and many of the groups or clusters of them are in threes, either in a pyramid shape, or a line (like the belt of Orion).

There is a birthmark on my neck.  My grandfather had the same birthmark on his foot.  My eldest aunt has it on her arm.  One person per generation gets the mark.  My son has it on his nose.

Sometimes I can hear singing in water.

Some of my dreams come true.

I can play a little piano and a little violin.

My most used and worn gems are moonstone, amethyst, and lapis lazuli.

I aspire to be a polyglot.  Right now I can speak English, French, and Spanish conversationally.  I can say a few sentences in Dutch and Russian, and I am working on Italian and ASL.

I value freedom and independence above all else.

I talk to the moon.

My tastes change, so I will not commit to a favorite movie, or music genre, or book.  As I evolve, so do my favorites. Right now I’m listening to Heilung and similar artists, watching Outlander, reading about witches in the time of persecution.

I am made of fire and stardust.

Laughter/humor/wit is the fastest way to my heart. I love love, and I love everyone.  Admiration is one step above love, because it means I like your mind.

I am fascinated when I read about contemporaries and peers from other times. For example, Fitz and Hemingway sharing a bourbon.  C.S. Lewis and Tolkien reviewing each others’ drafts over a pint.  Voltaire coming to parties at Madame du Staels home.  I am delighted to find out about friendships and acquaintances such as these.

Psychology was my major in college.  Anthropology was the most interesting class.  Humanities I was a close second.

My typing speed is 87 wpm with 100 percent accuracy, on a good day.

Tom Petty is my spirit guide, David Bowie is my spirit animal, and Stevie Nicks is everything else.

Hope you are all staying well, staying safe, taking care of your loved ones and treating your neighbors with love.  The world needs love.  xoxox

 

 

Boogeyman

The difficulty for me in this entire situation has been finding balance. Balance at home, balance within, and balance in my beliefs. I believe we should live as free people, and I also believe we should care for our neighbors. So where is the middle ground? We must be careful about what we ask of our government in the name of perceived safety. We would do well to cling to our freedoms, and to remember that death and disaster are a part of life, not some fairy tale goblin easily avoided by shutting our eyes (or our doors) tight enough.

I have seen too much anger and vitriol aimed at people not responsible for any of this mess, I have seen judgment from both sides regarding how best to live.  This is treacherous ground, all of it.  I fear for the future when people are so easily led – off the cliff, into their homes, out of their minds.

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Come at Me, Paul

Since I have been slowly inching my way out of the metaphysical closet, I have been surprised (shocked, saddened, scared) by the response from friends and family. Not all of them, just a tiny percentage.

One friend whose husband doesn’t like me anymore because I’m not “a believer”. Literally nothing about me – my countenance, my attitude towards him, my friendship with his wife, my sense of humor – has changed, save for the little mental box he pictured me sitting in when he saw me or heard my name.

Before I started talking about meditation and grounding and trying to help people heal, I was in a box labeled “normal”, “safe”, or “Christian”. He liked me fine. I was actually not a Christian but he didn’t know that. Now that he knows I sit in my floor and hum to light up chakras, well, he’s convinced I’m going to drag her soul to hell. And it’s confusing to me. Disorienting, even. I am the same person, apart from where and how (and perhaps whom) I worship.

I grew up in the church. Mostly Catholic and Southern Baptist, with a sprinkle of Methodist and Assembly of God in there, too. At times we were strict observers. At times, sporadic.

Today as an adult I can honestly say that some of the most morally bankrupt, rude, cruel, greedy, exclusive people I have ever met are a part of “the church”. They are believers. In what, I do not quite know. Perhaps in the blanket coverage insurance they think someone else’s sacrifice has bought them. A blank check to do and say what they please and then be forgiven.

I’m not writing from a place of judgement, I point this out to say that perhaps it stands to reason that those of us who operate without the promise of a safety net are more inclined to treat people well the first time? Since I’m spiritually uninsured, so to speak, I don’t take human interactions for granted. Therefore, I am not a religious asshole. (Not all religious people are assholes, that’s not what I’m saying at all.)

Anyway…

Tonight my aunt sent me a message. Apparently she had heard my podcast and taken issue with it. The podcast is so special to me, it is my life’s purpose. I talk about my struggle with anxiety and how I’ve healed, and I encourage others to do the same. It’s a good message and I deliver it with an open heart.

The message she sent me was basically a list of Bible verses and a snarky “only Jesus can help you”.

It hurt my feelings because it felt like a personal attack from a woman I have always looked up to. A women who is sweet and generous and welcoming. I know what happened. It appears that tonight is the night she realized, like my friend’s husband, that I sit in a different imaginary box than the people she loves and approves of.

I suppose for that I deserve to be reprimanded? Cast out? I can think of Bible stories I know by heart. The woman at the well. The man on the side of the road. Jesus himself! Jesus was crucified by his followers, man. And somehow I am in the wrong for wanting to help others get well? To keep them from suicide and show them they are not alone in this world?

The good news here – can I get a hallelujah- is that I don’t need to be cast out. I’m already out. I just don’t understand how something purportedly built around love can feel so much like hate.

Jesus was not a Christian. He, like many others, taught love. I am not a Christian. But I work tirelessly to show love and to be a beacon of hope for people who are struggling. The idea that my finding peace means to anyone that I deserve eternal damnation really boggles the mind.

Why not simply love me for who I am?

If you trust God so implicitly, why not leave the rest (including the wrath and judgement) up to him?

Stop Me If You’ve Heard It

Some things were always going to be the way they are, and only in hindsight do we realize it.

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The Scorpion and the Frog 🦂 🐸

One day, a scorpion decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey.  Down from his rocky mountain he went, crawling through forests over hills he travelled until he reached a river.

The water was swift and the river was too wide to jump and too deep to ford so the scorpion, who could not neither fly nor swim, was compelled to stop and contemplate his predicament. 

Unable to see a way across the river,  the scorpion searched up stream and down hoping to find a fallen tree that might serve as a bridge.  The scorpions search was unsuccessful. Unable to find a way to cross the river, the scorpion had all but decided his journey was over and that he might have to turn back and return to the mountain.

Then the scorpion spotted a frog sitting in cattails along the opposite bank of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help in crossing the stream.

The scorpion shouted out across the water “Hellooo there Mr. Frog!”  Are you a good swimmer? 

The frog replied that of course he was!  At which the scorpion made his proposal.

 “In that case then Mr. Frog, would you be so kind ferry me on your back across the river?”

Knowing that scorpions had a bad reputation, the frog responded.

“Well now, Mr. Scorpion, How do I know that if I carry you to the opposite bank of the river that you wont try to kill me?” 

Because, the scorpion replied, “If I try to kill you, then I would surely die as well, for you see I cannot swim!”

Now that logic seemed to make sense to the frog.  But still cautious, he asked the scorpion. “What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore”

“This is true,” agreed the scorpion, “But then I wouldn’t be able to get to the other side of the river”

“Alright then …but how do I know you won’t just wait until we get close to the other side and then kill me?” asked the still skeptical frog.

“Ahh…,” crooned the scorpion, “Because you see, once you’ve taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so very grateful for your help that it would unfair to reward your service in that cruel way”

So the frog finally agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and picked up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog’s back digging his claws into the frog’s soft skin and clinging on for dear life. 

The frog slid out into the current and began the swim across the river. The water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface and the scorpion clung on tightly so he would not drown.

The frog kicked steadily across the strong current but then halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp pain in his back and turning to see what it was,  out of the corner of his eye, the frog saw the scorpion remove his stinger.  A cold numbness began to creep into his limbs and the frog, still carrying the scorpion, stopped swimming began to slip below the river’s surface.

“You fool!” croaked the frog, “What have you done, now we shall both die! Why on earth did you sting me?”

The scorpion gave a little shrug and as they both sank below the turbulent water he replied.

“I could not help myself. It is my nature.”

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Venn Diagram

Hold me/Thrill me/Kiss me/Kill me

I thought that was the best song title ever.

Then when Ryan Adams said

Come pick me up/Take me out/Fuck me up

Again I was taken by the contrast, – or what’s meant to be contrast – but anyone who’s ever loved anyone can tell you, those words and phrases aren’t contradictory. Those are synonyms. They’re parallel realities.

So today when I thought the phrase, “slow and agonizing love”, I felt at once exceedingly clever and shamefully obvious. A genius composing with crayon.

Ah, but then I think the truth is that all of these: love, death, happiness, destruction, genius, madness – exist in and around each other and the really substantial, life-altering moments happen when they blur and overlap.

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Protected: Fool me twice…

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