artist’s dilemma

it’s tough to write about things i don’t know about,

and i do it with some amount of humility

careful not to overstep or offend

which usually results in rubbish

it’s tougher to write about personal things,

but much more real, raw, accurate

which usually results in spectacular prose

not everything here is autobiographical

(except my disdain for uppercase, that’s all me)

writing a book right now – a novel – a fiction

it’s hilarious how much of it is drawn from real life

and how much of it is drawn from this other life,

one i’ve imagined a million times but never visited

and how authentic they both feel to me.

it’s not that one is real and one is imaginary

both are real, to me. both are me. both are.

i want to present a story that is gripping, heart-wrenching,

imaginative, amusing, compelling, magic.

to do that i have to tell my readers things i’ve never told anyone

admit to things, examine them, lay them bare

i’m mostly ok with that, except

judgement, of myself and of my work – that is myself

i think all writers feel this way, or at least

the good ones do.

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I Jumped.

After weeks of pacing back and forth and walking in circles on this cliff, I finally took a leap.

I quit my job. I gave my notice.

Feeling drained and agitated, longing for time with my son and my creative interests.  Craving the things that make my soul soar – writing, painting, designing, re-purposing, creating, working out.  I NEED these things to feel alive. To continue to be alive.

So I jumped.

I trust that it will all work out.

Everything will be alright.  No, better than alright. Everything will be perfect.  Everything IS perfect.

And I take a deep breath and exhale, and feel that thing I’ve been missing.  Peace.

This is right. I can feel it.

I have a knowing.

I am walking my path again and it feels glorious.  Freedom. I am flying.

It’s good. It’s better than good. 

My source is unlimited and abundant, so I am not afraid.

Financially I am reaching new heights all the time.  Life is free and easy.

Peaceful.

I’m glad I decided to follow my heart. To follow my spirit’s voice.

There is so much to be said for the jumping.

I jumped.

Will you?