Stand and fight!
Prepare for war
And face the possibility of
Losing your life
Or worse
Your heart.
Fall on your sword!
Be brave and steadfast
And prove to me
Once and for all
That you can be
My Champion
Or, if you will not fight,
Remain still and silent
Do nothing as the
Opposing forces overtake me
And my heart
And in so doing,
Die a thousand deaths
Instead of one.
Silly rhymes and funny puns
Were a part of you
And your life so poured into mine,
They are a part of me, too.
I miss your humor and your laugh
Booming through the air
I miss the lessons I thought were play
And simply having you there.
Sneaking turkey in the kitchen
Trips to the symphony
You were the first person ever
To place real value in me.
Remember the time in Switzerland
Pretending, scientifically
What a magical time we had,
Thinking specifically.
Pictures, stories, memories
Keep you alive even now
I hope that you remember me too
As you sing your songs in the clouds.
Many men have told me
I’m the one that got away
So I can’t help but wonder
Why none of them ever asked me
To stay.
Bless me, Father
For I have sinned
I have loved and lost and lusted
I have used and conned and manipulated
Hearts have been crushed in my grasp
Spirits suspended in mid air
Unable to move on, unsure
I didn’t want them; I didn’t want to let them go.
In all these years so many of them
I have let inside my dreams, let them influence me,
Change who I am fundamentally,
No they didn’t have me physically but which is worse?
Psychically I was theirs.
His. His. His. His. His.
I enjoyed most of it, I liked
The attention, raw attraction, the bond
Tolerated abuse, just to be the muse.
All that time I never knew, no one told me
I was giving away pieces of myself
Each heart exploding left a scar on mine
Fragments of me, slices of them, intertwined
I’m not whole, not myself, not pristine
Dirty, damaged, fractured again and again and then – sewn together
A mosaic of hearts that beat in rhythm
Souls that spoke the same language as mine
The things they taught me and the things only we know
That’s what I am made of, and I confess it, but
What can I do, how can I come clean
What kind of penance can I serve to atone, when
I’m not sorry?
An abandoned field
Wildflowers, weeds, and you
In blue.
A beautiful old bridge
Sunshine, cool breeze, and me
We’ll see.
A forgotten dirt road
Out of sight, warm daylight,
You might.
And we walked
And we laughed
And we talked
Carefully
Anxiously
Every breath a question
Unanswered, understood.
***
An abandoned field
Wildflowers, weeds, and you
In blue.
I lie awake at night
Think about
All the ways
I’ve ruined my life
And I’m glad
That one of them
Was you.
Nomadic
Sporadic
Romantic.
Wanderer.
Type Writer
Lover
and
Fighter.
Fanciful
Magical
Impractical.
Barefoot Soul
Passionate
and
Cold.
Curious
Furious
Mysterious.
Historian.
Book Reader
Skeptic
and
Believer.
There once was a girl from Nowhere.
Mist in her eyes,
Stardust in her hair.
The earth knew her secrets,
The sky buoyed her dreams,
And she was hopelessly-
Desperately-
Caught in between.
Dark
Light
Pain
Delight
A stolen glance.
“Take a chance.”
I can’t –
Circumstance.
He was the fly in my ointment,
The wrench in my works,
The sour cream on my potato,
Deliciously sour.
New guy in an old town.
Oh.
No.
I remember his old pickup,
Cowboy hat, tattoos.
Decisions. How could he choose?
Rock or blues?
Pain with a side of bliss.
What is.
This.
There are no photographs of us,
Memories to rot and rust.
Just regret – shadows of that day
I heard predator to his prey
Say
“Stay”.
