I want to die an old woman
Smirking in her sleep
Dreaming about all the rules I broke
All the hearts, too.
I want to have been several women
By then,
Having lived myriad lives
The thought of dying only saddens me
When I think
Of disappointing myself.
I am so tired
Of being kicked in the chest
By powerful men
I am smarter
Stronger
Braver by half
I keep proving myself
They keep stealing from me
My work, my words, my body, my truth
It’s hard being so fierce
Sometimes
I just want it to end.
I am so tired.
I am never
Not thinking
About him.
It is not a testament to your choices,
This life I choose to lead.
It is a testament to my strength.
He was enchanted
By her luminous glow
And sought at once
To possess her.
He reached up high
Pulled her down low
And put up a fence
Around her.
She was no longer worshipped
No one admired
Her grace, her magic,
Her splendor.
No songs were sung
No petitions, no prayers
Only darkness
Confusion, despair.
The moon had been plucked
From her beloved sky
Captured
And put in a box.
Never again would she
Call in the tides
Or cast ocean waves
Upon rocks.
But she was the moon!
A goddess, by right!
And she simply refused to
Give up the night.
So she kissed him goodbye,
Restoring herself
Among the stars
In the heavenly realms.
Now when a man is enchanted
With our goddess moon
And bids her
Please come down
She winks and she shines
And she sweetly declines
Possession,
Preferring her crown.
Sometimes time runs backwards
And sometimes beggars do choose
Sometimes silence is deafening
And sometimes to win is to lose.
Rainbows aren’t always colorful
Stars don’t always shine
Sometimes lies are the only truth
The sourest grapes make the sweetest wine.
Sometimes the day feels like night time,
And sometimes we sow what we reap
Sometimes the hymn is not sung in church
Sometimes the wolf is a sheep.
Sometimes insanity grounds us
And sometimes darkness is light
Sometimes love doesn’t conquer all
Our blindness allows us clear sight.
she’s a karmic
not a twin
someone to drown you
from within
a lesser version
imitation of a star
even looks a little like
Gwen, from afar
such pretty words
paired with ugly deeds
one, two, twenty times
love has lied to me
heart is breaking
somehow still hoping, waiting
too much space
it’s suffocating
and so you’ve chosen
and so have i
dreams are nightmares
words are lies
i won’t be there
the beach, the town
i’m not a yoyo
yes and no, up and down
she’s a karmic
not a twin
she will kill you
from within
that yellow dress
i take it personally
she is not your muse
only claims to be
lie to yourself
i won’t hear anymore
i won’t be the anchor
that grounds you to shore
she is a karmic
not half of the star
she numbs reality
truth of who you are
she is a karmic
i am your twin
may your dreams be haunted
by what could have been.
I have written 198 posts on this blog. (This will be 199.)
83 of them have been since January of this year.
115 were from 2012-2018.
Averaging 19 posts per year for that time.
This year I have written nearly 12 posts per month.
That’s a 361% increase in production.
Not counting the things I don’t post.
It erupts out of me like lava, what can I do?
83 posts this year with 5 months to go.
I suppose I should collect them in an anthology.
A coffee table book.
One million notes on Springsteen… and counting.
You cannot ignore a thing
And call that healing
Avoidance does not bring strength.
I have had my ass grabbed in meetings.
My breasts the subject of conference calls.
I have been shushed, interrupted, and disrespected.
Twice I have been assaulted.
Both were men I trusted.
And yes, my scars run deep and no, it’s no excuse.
It is, though, the truth.
So when a man I love tells me to trust him
I’m already a little bit wary
Stepping out on to the ledge, will you really carry
Me
Or will I fall again, break apart, hold my own heart?
What you can’t understand is how hard I’ve fought
Just to be treated as a person, an equal.
But we are not colleagues, roomies, friends.
There is no equal, that’s all just pretend.
We are simply beguiling predator and his hapless prey.
So please, stay away.
I can assemble my life without this kind of help.
Kindly walk yourself to the door and out
Keep your hands off my ass and
My name out of your mouth
And just
Leave.
