Conditioned

Lady and the Tramp

Is the first time

I remember being told

That the guy

(From the wrong side of the tracks)

Has a heart of Gold.

 

Next was Johnny Castle –

(A classic example)

of

The nobility of blind love.

And I think about them and

I wonder:

If this is why my mom went under

So many times?

 

The guy who would drink

And pull her around

(by her hair)

With all his affairs –

He nearly broke her.

 

And the man she married (twice)

He played so nice,

Smiling, and smiling,

Snorted our inheritance.

(At least he never hit us.)

 

We moved so much,

New schools, new houses

(Mouses)

That big wooden mansion

The creaky door

Frigid nights lying on a cold floor

Crying.

 

Is this love or is this dying?

Why do they feel the same?

 

I write about love so much,

(And inside me it’s all twisted)

An abstract, a theory

Sewn together with earthworms

And memories that feel like

Delusions.

 

What I have learned,

What I have earned

Is at least the certainty

That

 

Love does not mean pain,

It doesn’t scream or steal or lie

And many times

You can love someone and

Still walk away

Because it’s wrong –

(The side of the tracks you’re on,)

And no one is singing

There is no happy ending,

So you go.

 

(So I go.)

 

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Unlikely

Jealousy

Jealous. See?

But you don’t even want me.

Is anyone ever

Telling the truth

About who they are?

Maybe I Am

If I was a voodoo priestess

(Maybe I am, maybe I am)

I’d keep your tongue in a jar

Your eyes on a shelf

Your heart buried in the yard

Behind my house.

Intruder

It is a masterful thief, indeed

Whom I beg

Pray, take one more thing

As he makes his way

Out the front door

I stop him

To give a bit more

All the while,

I smile

Thanking him

For the privilege

Of being robbed.

Loretta’s Lines

 

Every time

I climb up

In your truck

You spin the wheel

Around

And we’re driving down

This same old dirt road

But

Darlin’ don’t you know?

I’m not going that way.

 

I already had a past

With you

Now I want a future, too.

So do you think that you can

Stop reminiscing?

I feel like

You’re missing

A version of me that’s long gone

And I’m not really the one

Just a fantasy

You’re holding on

Too tightly

And I know

I will let you down,

So just turn around and

Let me out

 

Remember when you said

I was heaven sent?

I should have

Taken the hint

It’s not making

Any sense,

Driving down to

That same old dead end,

The one that takes us

To yesterday

and

I already told you, babe

I’m not going that way.

 

I’ll hop out here

And hitch my way

I promise, it’s ok

I’ll find my way

And hey –

 

When you wake up

In the morning

And the day is dawning

You’re wondering where

I am

Baby, believe me

I still care,

I do.

I love you.

 

I’m just not going that way.

A Toast.

To the ones we’ve lost

To the ones we’ve loved

To the ones who left us

And a nod to all the rest.

To the one with deep sea eyes

And thunderstorm laugh

Whose bloody red heart

Is inside my chest:

Happy New Year.

Don’t fuck it up.

xo

Inked

If you got a tattoo

For me

What would it be?

My eyes? My nose?

A beautiful rose?

No…

I think it must be

A star, or better

A whole constellation

Yes that’s what it will be

A constellation on fire!

More permanent

Than ink

Than a supernova

Than me or you,

Ancient

Ignited

Eternal

Within, without,

Above, below

Primal, ethereal

True.

So would you?

White Flag

Today I thought about it.

Lying down in a field somewhere

Finally drifting off to sleep.

Release. Darkness. Abyss.

The nether is also the everything.

I am so tired. So sad.

Please, can I just go to sleep?

Rockwell

I hope that you are

Surrounded

By people you love

Who adore you in return

Entrenched

In pleasant conversation

Laughing so much

You forget the time.

I hope that you are

Submerged

In food and merriment

Your belly full,

Your heart at bursting.

I want these things for you

All the time –

Not just now,

Not just today.

But today

I want to tell you

In case you need to know

You are so treasured

So cherished

Even when it seems

You are alone.

xo