Losing My Religion

I’m working on a book.  It’s a pretty involved process, and I am learning a lot as I go.  Thrilling, exciting, and … anxiety inducing.  Talking about the anxiety that used to run my life kinda makes me jittery.  I wouldn’t exactly say it’s a relapse, as much as it is recalling some of the old triggers that sent me into a tailspin.

The last few days I have been thinking a lot about religion in my life.  Growing up Catholic and attending a Catholic school, I took it all very seriously. I took for granted it was all true.  Even later, as an adult in the Southern Baptist church, I was a player in an elaborate game of Follow the Leader, even though many times I had no idea who that was or where we were supposed to be going.

Eventually my  husband and I had a falling out with our church – or, more specifically – our faith.  I have read accounts of others who have moments in their lives similar to what we had – an awakening, a change, growth, transition, you might even call it spiritual death, triggered by a great trauma or catastrophe.  For others, it’s the opposite, and such an event actually moves them towards the church.

Seeking answers, seeking truth.  Looking all around us for anything that makes sense when all that is comfortable and familiar has crumbled.  I think it’s human nature to want to assign a higher meaning to things that are tragic, and I certainly did.  When what I call the Terror came into my life, I learned pretty quickly what Christians do.  My friends, my Sunday School mates, they supported us.  One bought us groceries, one encouraged me to read my Bible when I was afraid, another class donated money so that our bills would be paid.  It was lovely to feel so encouraged in a hard time, and it lasted about two weeks.

The Terror would last much longer than that, and as our time of hardship wore on, the Christianity wore thin.  Our friends lost patience with us.  They withdrew their assistance.  Life goes on, right?  Some of them encouraged my husband to take the kids and leave me.  Some said to have me committed.  One person told me, quite matter-of-factly, that the things that were happening to me would not be happening, were my faith only strong enough.  Pray more.  Really mean it.  If it doesn’t help, you don’t really mean it.  Suddenly, I felt all alone in this “family”.  It was as if I had spiritual leprosy, and the entire community took a collective step back from me so as not to catch it.

Looking back, it was a gift.  These people who removed themselves from our circle, and pushed us out of what was known and comfortable, forced us to explore other possibilities than the ones we had blindly clung to for so many years.  I started reading things that had previously been “forbidden” to me, started considering possibilities that I had always dismissed as impossible and ignorant.  I used to pity people like me, people who didn’t worship Jesus and meet up at church to talk about all the ways we were going to save the world.

Out of necessity and desperate for relief, I began researching alternative therapies.  There’s actually a pretty thin line between medicine and religion, and as I learned about healing the body I also found out a lot about alternative spiritual practices.  Meditating, EFT, chakra balancing, crystals, astrology, numerology, reiki, essential oils, burning sage, prayer bowls and beads and moon ritual and tarot cards and more have made their way into my consciousness and I am a better woman for it. I walk barefoot and talk to the moon if I feel like it.  When I talk about animals and spirit guides, no one makes fun of me.

The irony is, by taking the first step into a spiritual truth that feels so much more aligned with who I am, for the very first time I am actually changing the world.  If everyone had the courage to be their authentic, unapologetic selves, the world would be a different place entirely.  Now, I feel free.  I am growing in new and exciting ways, without limits and without guilt.  New and trustworthy friends have filled the voids left by the people who couldn’t deal with our pain.  Best of all, by dipping my toes into a spiritual ocean I had never been allowed to visit previously, I feel united with every other person in the world.

Losing my religion became the catalyst for finding myself.  I’m a better wife and a better mom because I no longer operate from a place of “not enough”. Instead of trying to force myself to fit into someone else’s box, I’ve broken free of all the boxes and I make my own way.  I am more than enough.  I am everything I was created to be.(Yes, I still believe in Creator/Source.)

The path I am on is one of total joy and truth. I have met so many fascinating and kind people. I continue to learn about other beliefs, world religions, and I feel connected to my fellow man.  There is no judgement or pity in me for them.  Instead, there is love.  REAL love.  Unconditional love.  I am stronger, genuine, and aware.  Where once my life was a nightmare, it’s now a dream.  I am finally awake.

Moon-Goddess-moon-4701545-428-500

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Turn Around, Bright Eyes

Nothing I can say, Total Eclipse of the Heaaaaaaart….

Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.

As many of you know, tonight we will see (or some of us will see) a partial lunar eclipse.  It’s actually not going to be visible from the US, so we ethereal goddesses and moon lovers on this side of the globe will have to use our imagination when it comes to wishes and such.  I’m very imaginative, so this will be no problemo.  In fact, I have a small list of things I’ll be doing tonight during the min-e-clipse. (See what I did there?)

  • I will be Grounding (or Earthing) – in fact, my shoes are already off.
  • Cleaning my home and clothing Read about this here.
  • Preparing my gems and coins that I keep in a homemade gris-gris bag (this contains a couple of gem stones, some coins, and some names on paper collected during my visit to the ever-enchanting New Orleans, Louisiana. You can add herbs, oils, whatever speaks to you or your purpose.)
  • Watering my plants – This is just something I do for my succulents on eclipse days.  As living things, I believe that they are affected by certain phenomena as well.
  • Clean out my money bowl – I have a blue and white ceramic bowl in my kitchen.  It keeps our spare change and the occasional lottery ticket.  During eclipse time I clean it, fill it with water, and ceremoniously drop silver coins into it under the moonlight to attract “coin” to my purse and to illustrate gratitude for the money I already have.
  • Speak to the moon.  – I do this before and after the “coin” bowl.  In general, I don’t speak about myself, but for others.

Feel free to get creative!  If your heart or spirit says to do something or not do something, go with that.  Your intuition should be your guide.

This partial eclipse is just a precursor to the solar eclipse set to take place on August 21st.  Eclipses always come in pairs, so this isn’t a unique occurrence, but this smaller eclipse is a great time to practice for the larger one, by cleaning out junk (literally land metaphorically) that no longer serves us in our current lives, getting real about what we want to happen going forward, and really allowing our dreams to take flight.

Check out this handy info page on the Solar Eclipse to see the eclipse path and best times for viewing.

Buffalo Gal Won’t You Come Out Tonight…

…and dance by the light of the moon…

 

Full Moon
It’s tonight, y’all!

So tonight is a full moon, as many of you fine readers may already know.  I’ve always been attracted to the moon itself, and I don’t really have an explanation for it except that I’ve always been a little odd.  So, there you go.  The moon is mystical and powerful, and whether you believe in it or not, its power over us mortals is legendary.

The full moon that is upon us, the June full moon, was known to many Native American Tribes as the Strawberry moon.  This is the time of year that strawberries would be harvested.  Native Americans knew that the moon had pull on bodies of water, and affected women’s menstrual cycles.  They told many stories about the creation, cycles, and power of the moon.

How many times have you heard a friend or co-worker say, “must be a full moon” when explaining a challenging day or a person’s odd behavior?  Do you wonder if there’s any truth to it?  Logically speaking, if the moon pulls on water (and this is scientific fact), doesn’t it make sense that it would have some pull on us, too, since we are 80% water?

Anyway, I personally am fascinated with the moon, especially when it’s full and bright and visible.  Sometimes I can’t see it from where I live, because of all the unnatural light that surrounds me.  So it’s particularly thrilling when I can.  In my reading and research, I’ve learned that the moon is at it’s most powerful (and helpful) when it is full.  Now is the time to cleanse, to let go of negative influence, memories, emotions, and energy.  Now is most definitely the time to ask for big things.  So, a new home, new job or promotion, healing of an extreme illness.  I am TOTALLY excited to try this in my own life.  The last couple of days I’ve been preparing.  I’ve been thinking about the moon’s power and how I might harness some of that energy for myself.  I’ve been wearing my moon jewelry the last couple of days, eating only plant-based (for cleansing), and making a list of things that I want to be true in my life.  Positive statements like: I am a world traveler.  I am going to Paris.  I have accomplished having a book published.

Tonight during the full moon I will go outside, I will speak to the moon and yes, a few other things not listed here.  (I’m not going into specifics because this isn’t a “how-to” post and it’s just experimental.)  I will do some deep breathing exercises, inhaling all things good and exhaling negativity.  I will be open to believing and open to receiving, and I am willing to bet that the follow-up to this post will be a long list of all the amazing things that have happened as a result!  Wish me luck!  And PLEASE be sure to tell me your own moon stories, beliefs, and experiences!  I really want to hear.