Jumper

I leapt off a bridge today.  I let some people know I was going to do it.

“Sorry to hear that,” they said.

I held my breath, close my eyes, and thrust myself forward, into the cool air.

I felt myself falling.  It felt good.  Refreshing.  Right.

My toes hit the water and quickly after, my whole body was submerged.

This is right. This is right. This is right. – I told myself.

Now, looking up at the bridge from the water, the thrill subsiding, the moment has passed and I feel something like regret.  I wish someone had asked me not to jump.

They’ll be talking about it today, telling each other of my decision and sharing the details and the gossip.  Life will go on, with one minor adjustment.

“Sorry to hear that,” they’ll say.

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I Jumped.

After weeks of pacing back and forth and walking in circles on this cliff, I finally took a leap.

I quit my job. I gave my notice.

Feeling drained and agitated, longing for time with my son and my creative interests.  Craving the things that make my soul soar – writing, painting, designing, re-purposing, creating, working out.  I NEED these things to feel alive. To continue to be alive.

So I jumped.

I trust that it will all work out.

Everything will be alright.  No, better than alright. Everything will be perfect.  Everything IS perfect.

And I take a deep breath and exhale, and feel that thing I’ve been missing.  Peace.

This is right. I can feel it.

I have a knowing.

I am walking my path again and it feels glorious.  Freedom. I am flying.

It’s good. It’s better than good. 

My source is unlimited and abundant, so I am not afraid.

Financially I am reaching new heights all the time.  Life is free and easy.

Peaceful.

I’m glad I decided to follow my heart. To follow my spirit’s voice.

There is so much to be said for the jumping.

I jumped.

Will you?

Booking It

When you find your true calling, your passion, you will know.  Your work will feel like play.

ORLY?

Well, here’s a list of things I like to do: write (prose and poetry), paint, draw, repurpose, cook (especially baking), photograph.

Here’s a list of those just mentioned that I get to do in my cubicle: (*cue cricket noises*)

So today, my affirmation is: Everything is perfect.  This is one I learned from Louise Hay.  Everything is perfect helps me to realize that even though my eyes can’t see it, things are lining up for me.  The perfect job, at the perfect time, the perfect home, the perfect salary, is all on its way to me.  I believe this, and as I believe it and raise my vibration, it will come even faster.

Stay positive, friends.  It’s the only REAL way to affect change.

It’s What’s Inside That Counts ?

“Who are you, really?”

I ask this person in the mirror, who asks me the same question.  I think she’s mocking me.

There is a battle waging within me, between my heart and my head.  It’s about my job.  It’s about my purpose.  It’s about quitting my job and finding my purpose.  My heart says “FIND YOUR BLISS!  FOLLOW YOUR PASSION!” while my head screams, “PAY YOUR BILLS! PASSION DOESN’T BUY GROCERIES!”  (Which, in most instances, is true.)

Can I please have both?  Is there a way to make a career out of something I love?

The job I’m in now, I’ve been in for 5 months.  It’s fine.  It DOES fulfill certain things I felt I was lacking, such as a solid group of girlfriends, and helping people.  However it is too “full time” for me, too mundane for my bohemian-mommy lifestyle.

What kind of job is ideal for me?  The kind that offers freedom.  The kind where I create.  Make.  Express.  So… writing, cooking (especially baking), painting, crafts and using my hands, photography…even pottery if I knew how to do that.  A job that feels creative and free and that is like an extension of myself.

Lately I’m reading lots of abundance materials. Law of attraction. Motivation, inspiration, emails and newsletters about being who you were MEANT TO BE.  I am so inspired by them.  At the same time, I feel like I am having an internal crisis.  Society tells me that if I want a new home, I have to slave for 30 years and then buy it.  I can’t just ask for it.  The unwritten rule book of “the way it is and always has been” states  that I must go to work Monday through Friday from 7-5 and sit at my desk and answer the phone and earn my [meager] paycheck and be content with that.

My soul is asking me to jump off a cliff and I can’t see what’s at the bottom.  I’m a planner, a list-maker, I check my bank balance each morning before I head out the door.  I like preparation.  How can I just trust and take the leap?  How do I even know where to jump?

I know that all the greatest figures in history MADE history because they were brave, willing to step out into the unknown and live the life they’d always imagined [paraphrasing Thoreau, whose Walden is one of my favorite, most refreshing reads].  I want that for myself. I think am ready to be who I really am.

Please comment if you’ve got advice or stories or anything to share.