He Killed Himself

One semester away from his Masters Degree

But he couldn’t see

The light at the end of the dark tunnel

He fumbled

PTSD was too much, he was humbled

Split open

Overtaken

Outnumbered by just one.

He was a brother to her in every sense of the word

But just for a moment

He forgot himself and his family

Who he was

Depression held him, held the gun

Nowhere to run

Now it’s done

Despair won.

Rest In Peace, Nate.

If you know someone who is struggling please help them get help.

Hotline 800-273-8255

My book on Anxiety is here

Podcast on how to overcome anxiety and mental illness is here

I love you. Please don’t give up.

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Story of My Life

I wrote a book.

Not just any book…I wrote THE book.

The one that’s been on my heart for years.  The one I was put here on Earth to write.

The Story of My Life

I published it myself on Amazon.

Please check it out.

If you or someone you love suffers from Anxiety or any other Mental Illness, it may help.  Even if it doesn’t, I hope you find your own path to healing.

Love and Light. xo

Book Excerpt – 2

count your blessings.
Literally. Count them. Use your fingers, use your toes. Chances are, whatever you are going through right now, your blessings still outweigh your troubles. That was Bonpapa’s attitude. He lived with an attitude of gratitude that began with the Lord. If you know the Lord, if you know who he is, what his word says, and that he loves you, what else do you need? The way Bonpapa saw it, if nothing else in his life was going right, but he still had God, he was doing alright – better than many, in fact.
My husband and I went through a situation recently where I was called to put this into practice. After a long and faithful run, my husband’s car had finally gone ‘kaput’ on the side of the highway one night as he was driving home from work. Financially, we were unprepared. Practically speaking, we were down a vehicle that we needed desperately to function in our everyday lives. Spiritually, we knew what to do. We began to say ‘thank you’ to God in prayer.
We thanked him for my husband’s safety and that the ‘blow up’ happened close to our home. My husband works out of town, so the situation could have been much worse had it happened further away. We thanked God for the other blessings in our lives: Our home, our children, our friends, our health, our full bellies. There was much to be grateful for, even in this circumstance. We thanked God for the times he had brought us through challenges, reminding him and ourselves of all the times we have been rescued. Lastly, the hardest thanks to muster was appreciation for the lesson. It went something like this: “ Lord, whatever you are teaching us or whatever you will accomplish through this event, we thank you in advance for it. We praise your mighty name for allowing us to be a part of your plan, and for molding and shaping our hearts through challenges such as these.”
Thirty minutes later, a brand new car was delivered to our front door and all was right in our world once again. Ha! Not exactly. Not even close. Thankfully, though, daily scripture reading had prepared us for what we faced. In the next few days, two Bible verses played over and over again in my thoughts: Hebrews 6:19, which says we have this hope (relationship with Christ) as an anchor for our soul. Christ in our hearts keeps us steady, even as we go through life’s storms. The second verse, 2 Corinthians 4:7, says we have this treasure (relationship with God) in jars of clay, to show that power belongs to God and not to us. We humans are fragile, like delicate clay jars, and God within us is where our true strength lies. It is no coincidence that these verses both begin with “we have”. Bonpapa was right. If you know the Lord, if you know who he is, what his word says, and that he loves you, what else do you need?
One final verse, 2 Corinthians 12:9, says that the Lord’s power is made perfect in our weakness. Only when we admit we are broken, do we allow God to take over, take control, and take care of us. If we can be grateful without needing explanation, we experience spiritual growth.
Being grateful doesn’t always fix the trouble, but it does prevent us from being overcome by our troubles. Recognizing that God’s ways and purposes are higher than our own gives us something and someone to lean on when times are tough. God never guarantees the ride will be easy, but he does assure us that we are never alone – never without hope – even as we walk the highway on a dark night. For that, I will say ‘thank you’.
We have this hope as a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. Hebrews 6:19
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 2 Corinthians 4:7
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah  Psalm 46:1-3
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Changes ‘Round Here

Hello World.  It’s been a while since my last post.  Not so long that I’ve forgotten how to type, but long enough that I feel a quick explanation is in order.

I am working.

It’s as simple and as complicated as that.  If you believe in the Law of Attraction, as I do, you know that this is something I chose, whether consciously or unconsciously.  My dreams are coming true in unexpected ways.  I find myself in transition again, which is positive, though my cooking, photography, and my blog have been neglected as a result.

Change is good so I’m embracing it.  I’m learning to be meticulous with planning and much more organized in my daily life.  I’m learning how much I like not being accessible by cell phone all day long.  I’m learning to trust.  I have been given the opportunity to give of myself, my time, my knowledge and my resources, which is crucial to a happy life.  I’m learning to let go.  I’m learning to be uncompromising and to take an honest look at my priorities.  [At the end of the day, I could care less what’s on t.v., all I want to do is kiss my son and hear him giggle!)  I am full of hope, gratitude, joy, expectation.

A couple weeks ago I started a gratitude journal, and it has opened my eyes, my heart, and my mind.  I highly recommend writing things daily that you’re thankful for, saying “thank you” out loud when good things happen, doing positive affirmations and visualizations, really putting your whole self into a happy state.  As a result of doing this, I feel like the future is right now and it’s looking good!

I say all that, really, to say that I’m still here and I plan to post some mind-blowing recipes this weekend, so stay tuned!  And stay grateful!

When it Rains…

… it pours.

And I am learning to dance in it, to praise my God in the middle of it. I do not enjoy being taught these lessons, to be perfectly honest, but I do enjoy what comes after. – Strength, hope, trust, faith, a stronger relationship with my husband, a broader perspective, compassion for others who struggle.

Today I was going to post about some “no bake” goodies, but I’m going to hold off on that. From time to time I’m going to blog about my life and trials, because it’s much easier to speak to the internet [for me] and not fear judgment than to speak openly to my friends who maybe aren’t struggling right now.

We can’t pay our bills. Things are getting shut off. That’s the long and short of it. I never thought I’d be in this place at my age. No, not even close. It is sobering. It is humbling.

I’ve been praying a lot, spending time in conversation with God, and reading my Bible and devotionals on all sorts of things related to this. – Hope, Fear, Faith, Trust, Tithing, Blessings, Trials, God’s Timing, etc. They have lifted my spirit in a time when most would say I should be wallowing. Crying. Stressing. Freaking out. But the reality is this: my problems are tiny, miniscule even, compared to my God. God has promised to look out for me, to provide for me and my family, and God does not lie. So there, stress. Take that, anxiety.

Some verses that have helped me today:

Isaiah 41:10 “”10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Not to harm me. No, never to harm us but only to prosper us. To grow us, to give us HOPE and a FUTURE. God is loving in a way that I cannot even understand. Having a son of my own does give me slivers of insight, though. I find God so relate-able now that I am a parent. I want only the best for my kids. I would give them anything. I want them to be happy and healthy and prosperous. The other side of that is that I must teach them, discipline them, sometimes even allow them to face the consequences of their choices. God is a much better parent than I am, and he loves me so much better than I can love.

So today… even though I’m rambling… even though I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or even in the next 20 minutes… I have joy. I have peace. I have hope. I can dance even though the rain is coming down hard on my head, because I know the one who made the rain will also make the sun shine on us again.