Bitch, I’m Madonna

Some kid says I can’t be Captain America because I’m a girl.

Fuck that noise.

Captain is a rank, not a gender.

Steve Rogers is my favorite, my all-time number one guy, and I’m going to dress as Captain America for Halloween next year, lack of penis be damned.

There’s no Wonder – Guy.  There’s no Scarlet Wanker. I hate names like She – Hulk.  Why can’t we just say Hulk? The size of her boobs alone would make gender pretty obvious, no?

So we talked about Thor and Lady Thor, how that’s kind-of a Mr. and Mrs. thing and he’s a one – name guy like Madonna or Sting so she’s Mrs. Sting and that’s different.  Because Captain is a rank and I’m not going to have anyone devalue that rank by adding a Mrs. or Lady or -ette to it.  “Yeah, she’s a Captain, wink wink.”  Captain Marvel is a chick.  She just has a reputation for being an asshole in real life and I don’t want to emulate that.  (No judgement, I just don’t like her.)

So… Next Halloween I’m Captain America.  Stick that in your flurkin and smoke it.

6 thoughts on “Bitch, I’m Madonna

      1. You are mixing universes. Wonder man is an essential Avenger— for Marvel. Learn your cannon. The movies are not source material. Also, Captain Mar-vell was a man long before Carol Danvers inherited the title.

        So, you’re wrong, but it’s ok. We get the point. “I am woman, hear me roar.”
        It’s a popular topic these days.

        Like

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