Illuminated

It’s a gray day and the sky is overcast and I can’t tell what time it is because everything around me is white and pale and motionless.  I’m driving aimlessly towards some forgotten destination.  Daydreaming.  I look up and see a tiny opening in the clouds.  Just a crack, just enough to allow a sliver of yellow light to peek through.  As I drive the crack gets larger and golden rays begin to rain down from the heavens.  I change direction.  I drive towards the light.  Parking in a field, I get out of the car and walk until I am underneath the ever-widening celestial portal.  I stand still and let the warm sunlight dance along my face and shoulders.  Goosebumps. For the first time in I don’t know how long, I smile so hard it hurts my cheeks.  I bloom like the flowers in the field, hips swaying in the breeze. I am happy. I want to stay here, engulfed in sunlight, forever.  Eventually the light fades and the air gets cooler and I know I will have to drive back home.  I feel at once grateful for the sun’s caress and angry for having touched it, only to lose it again.  Just yesterday my whole life was gray and until I looked up I hadn’t known it could be colorful.   I am angry at the sun for embracing me so, for offering me a glimpse into possibility.  How can I return contented to my cold, gray life?  How can I think of anything else but the few moments I spent illuminated in that field?  I pass the time looking up at the sky, chasing the sun, coveting her glowing affections.  One tiny opening – a crack in the clouds – has changed my very existence.

And that – that is knowing you.

 

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