Bless me, Father
For I have sinned
I have loved and lost and lusted
I have used and conned and manipulated
Hearts have been crushed in my grasp
Spirits suspended in mid air
Unable to move on, unsure
I didn’t want them; I didn’t want to let them go.
In all these years so many of them
I have let inside my dreams, let them influence me,
Change who I am fundamentally,
No they didn’t have me physically but which is worse?
Psychically I was theirs.
His. His. His. His. His.
I enjoyed most of it, I liked
The attention, raw attraction, the bond
Tolerated abuse, just to be the muse.
All that time I never knew, no one told me
I was giving away pieces of myself
Each heart exploding left a scar on mine
Fragments of me, slices of them, intertwined
I’m not whole, not myself, not pristine
Dirty, damaged, fractured again and again and then – sewn together
A mosaic of hearts that beat in rhythm
Souls that spoke the same language as mine
The things they taught me and the things only we know
That’s what I am made of, and I confess it, but
What can I do, how can I come clean
What kind of penance can I serve to atone, when
I’m not sorry?